Romy and I were watching something on TV the other night. It was about a family who badly needed financial, spiritual, emotional support. It was burdensome to watch, but I also felt a different kind of burden. I was burdened to help.
I feel this way a lot of times. For years I have been like this and it’s one of my most consistent characteristics. I watch, hear, read about someone needing help and first think I do is grab a pen and paper to jot down how I can give. But sometimes, I am not able to. Ok, a lot of times, I must admit. I also have limitations, I also have obligations, I also have needs. But the desire to give never fades.
Back in highschool and college, I always give little gifts and notes to my friends. It makes me feel good, maybe I feel even better than the receiver. Yun pa lang iaabot ko pa lang sa person, mas excited pa ako sa kanya, eh. CJ, one of my disciplers in college told me that maybe I have the gift of giving. It sounded good, and I never forgot what she said. Since then, I believed that’s the ministry I want to be in. To be in the Ministry of Active Generosity (a phrase I coined years ago during a Quiet Time)… that’s always part of my prayers. Kaya nga kapag ina-announce sa church about world missions, wala man akong desire to fly and be “out there,” sobra naman yung call sa akin to fill out a check and give.
Now that I’m an adult, a wife, a mother to be (in 4 months’ time), I find myself facing more and more responsibilities. I am tempted to think that with all these obligations, maybe I can’t be in the ministry of active generosity anymore. But then again, the desire has never left me.
Still during that time Romy and I were watching the said show on TV, I was reminded by what one of my former disciplers Thania Amper told me, “our desires are given by God.” Ms Joy Muleta also preached this during one of those ladies’ meetings of her group that I was able to attend, “Our desires are given by the Lord. Whatever he knows will make us happy, He will give it to us in due time. Don’t limit yourself, signs and wonders will follow you wherever you go. He will provide the means and the resources to fulfill those desires.”
Wow, diba?! I have the desire to give. I am happiest when I am able to give. But under my present situation I am being tempted to limit myself. But since this desire is given by God, and He knows this makes me happy, He will enable me to be a giver. He will provide ways para I can fulfill my desire and at the same time to be a blessing to others. Diba nga, pag galing kay God, hindi magkukulang? Walang kulang? Kapag para sa gawain ni Lord, Siya mismo ang magpupuno?
Now I know, I shouldn’t throw away my prayer. By faith, I know I will be in the ministry of a MORE active generosity. Signs and wonders will follow me. I will have more than enough, I will be a blessing to more people. Not by my own strength, but by God’s spirit and power.